Runaway

I used to hear stories about kids who ran away and I have always thought that was so strange. Why would you want to runaway from your mom and dad? A house? Free food?

And only once in my life have i ever threatened to actually leap onto that train.

I remember being so mad with my family... but I have no clue why.

that's how it is when your a teenager.

As an adult, I understand running away so much more. There are 2 types of running away: 1) the kind that is a physical leaving of your home b/c you are not safe. 2) running from your life in search of something more



I'm talking about the latter.



If I could drop all this school and work stuff right this instant ...i would.

I would leave it all behind.

Last night, my roomie and I were talking about this.

How we know that there is something much bigger that we could be doing. She brought up an interesting point..

Jesus did so much in 3 years and what have I done?

I mean, He was Jesus after all... it wouldn't of made sense for Him to not have done a lot. God didnt' raise no fool...

I don't want to be behind a desk. And I don't want to live my life studying and wishing I was doing something more. I mean, yes, school and academics are important...but they aren't for everyone. And no, I dont' want to live in a cardboard box and ask the government for money. And I absolutely know the value of a dollar. And that it's important for people to work hard. Work was created by God. Work is good.

'The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it'- Genesis 2:15

I don't have a problem with working. But it's the kind of work. Yes, Speech Pathologists do amazing work and help so many people and their skills and passion for what they do is something to be admired. However, I don't think I have the passion.

I want to go and serve. I want to work and then serve and go and then work and save money and then go and serve.


Knowing the state of the world, and i'm sure that my knowledge is only touching the surface...how can i do anything but serve and take care of the poor orphans and widows?

When I was little there were 3 things i wanted to be when i "grew-up"
1) Tennis Player; my dad taught me how to play and even at the age of 58 he is still kicking my butt
2) Pit-crew worker; yes...Nascar; how exciting would it be to have cars coming in and having some freakishly impossible time to change tires and inspect their car
3) singer; i love to sing. Especially this past year it has become one of the main ways i feel connected to God. Just an angel in His choir. I'm teaching guitar... so one day I can walk around the world singing songs about Jesus and all the indescribable things He has done

Who knows where I'll be after this summer...
but I know that I'm ready for something new, for an adventure, for actually feeling like i'm living and not just stagnant (haha...can a person be stagnant? i guess so... )

Praise God for His wonderful works. He'll get me to where He wants me...

Numbers

I found myself at Bread Co this morning. I was supposed to have a meeting, but the person I was meeting with had to cancel. So, I decided to stick around anyway. I have never been one of those people who just goes to a place like Bread Co. and reads or does homework. But I was already there so I ordered.

1 Cinnamon Crunch Bagel...in the bread slicer
1 honey walnut cream cheese spread
1 small Pepsi

This morning I read started reading Numbers. The first couple chapters are pretty much census numbers.
"So all those listed of the people of Israel, twelve men, each representing people of Israel, by their fathers' houses, from twenty years old and upward, very man able to go to war in Israel- all those listed were 603,550." Numbers 1:45-46

603,550 people! holy cow. So then I started thinking ...how did they get these numbers? I mean there wasn't like electronic mailing and by the time they got all the people, new ones would be born. Although, perhaps that's why they only counted those over 20 years of age. But you would still have people going from 19 to 20. Hmmm... interesting. Obviously these numbers are all a rough estimate because they are all multiples of 50.

I'm one of those people who can look at a crowd of 300 people and if someone asked me how many people were there i would say 50. I have no eye for numbers like that. Even food. I always get a plate of food and think , man this is not going to be enough to fill me up. Half way through the meal I end up waving the white flag and staring at a plate that is not even close to being empty.

Welp, after reading through all of that I don't know how they got those numbers, I just think it's funny how insanely huge the numbers are.

And i found out that I really enjoy that whole eat bfast at a cafe while reading thing.

it was quite peaceful...

Friday night

tonight is possibly the last relaxing friday night i will have for awhile.

so
1. chinese food
2. movies like: dodgeball, pride and prejudice and of course The Office
3. jammies
4. giant soda
5. slippers
6. new fingernail polish
7. chocolate in some form or fashion... cake not candy

this is going to be a great evening :)

it's weird how your friday nights change as you get older
birth-pretty much 9: in bed by 8:00 or 9:00
10-15: year of the sleepovers, it's possibly the coolest thing EVER!; curfew is 10
16-18: late nights, no curfew, hanging with friends causing trouble in various forms, and of course date nights
19-22: well these are the prime years of independence
23-27: finding love, settling down, having kidos
28-50: no late nights, getting all the sleep you can get, in bed around 10 or for some 9
50-ageless: 8:00 bedtime, just like the beginning, falling asleep while reading

of course this varies dramatically depending on who you are.

... i have no clue as to why i felt like sharing this ... but i guess maybe it's a reassuring that in the end there will be peace and sleep and comfort growing old.

random thought: my grandma said this the other day when my dad couldn't stop laughing hysterically..."somebody must of tipped over his te-he box"

...yeah, you should totally pocket that quote, feel free to use it any time

old people are so cute *sigh*

enjoy your friday!

I will

I'm sitting at work watching the Inauguration

Everyone who is anyone is there...

military service men and women

... a second ago the cameras focused in on the bodyguards

Which made me think about an interesting fact that Ron brought up this weekend. He said that in order to be a bodyguard for the President of the United States, you can not be married.
I've never thought about that before. The logic here, is that if you are married you might second guess your decision to protect the President. You might think, "should I do this? What will happen to my wife... my kids"? There isn't anything wrong with these questions. But a bullet doesn't slow down for thought-processing. And that split second can mean life or death.

And so I got to thinking.

In order to live fully for Christ we can't be married.

I guess what I mean is that, Christ deserves our all. Every single ounce of what we can give. And that is a hard thing to do when we have things we are married to. Now, it doesn't have to be a literal marriage with all the vows and white. But anything that we give our heart to. For instance, some people are married to their job. Their job becomes what they devote their time and energy to, and then at the end of the day, if there is any time to spare, they may spend some time hanging with Jesus.

Or how about being married to academics. Some of us can spend 97% of our time studying and memorizing formulas ... equation upon equation until we can't cram anything else into our little brains. And then when it comes to studying scripture, we don't have time.

I think, sometimes, I am married to obligation. A life of doing. I serve and serve and serve. Worship team, elevation, ignite, programming, random stuff. I am an "I will" gal. And when I start doing all of these things and having task upon task I lose sight of why I'm doing it. I lose sight of why I said "I will" in the first place. It becomes some duty I need to fulfill.

A few years ago, I was at youth group as a small group leader. After the service ended I was told about a girl in one of the groups. The group had been asked, "If Jesus came back today and asked you to drop everything and follow him, would you?"

Her answer, "No. I don't think I could leave my boyfriend"

The question was later tagged with something to the effect of "What is the worst thing about Hell"

Her answer, "no shoes"

It saddens my heart to even write that. I still know this girl. And even though she puts on a good face and attends church when she's home...she hasn't changed. It's still about the world. She's entered into a marriage with stuff. She has a boyfriend who she communicates with by using a large amount foul words coated with no respect.

.... I don't ever want to be that.

I don't ever want to get to a point where I would say 'I won't' to Jesus, because I like convenience and comfort and stuff and a boy. Because I married myself to obligation and plans. I want the reason I say 'I will' to always be a verbal affirmation of my devotion to follow Christ. To follow His plan...whatever that entails.

I want the reason that I say "I will" to be because I am married to Christ alone. Because nothing is greater than His love for His people. Absolutely nothing.

Back to the bodyguards. They understand the core of devotion. What it truely means. And that devotion isn't just about saying 'i will', but living a life that exemplifies that statement. It starts with wanting it, but somewhere along the way we have to actually live it. We have to live the 'I will".

Roomie

I have had this blog going for about a month now, and apparently yesterday was the first time i told my roomie about it.

"What! you have a blog? Since when?" ... i guess i need to be better about keeping her up to date

anyway, she is the best!
( note: in now way am i writing this because of her accusation that i probably hadn't written one about her yet... moo haha)

1. She is fanatical about The Office, just like i am :) We pretty much speak in Office quotes as much as possible
"I'll be back.... I am back!!!!"
"I like ice cream, i need a boyfriend! Dingo babies"
"I hate so much about the way you chose to be"
...ok, i could go on for days

2. She is an English major. For my birthday last year she offered to write a book report for me. I accepted because it would be just plain rude to reject a birthday gift... and i assumed since i hadn't read the book yet and she had read it multiple times AND since she is an English major, that she would ace this..

...wrong. 75%

Apparently she wanted to make it seem like i had written and not someone of greater intelligence... the first paragraph read something like "I like this book. The characters were neato. The cover was colorful." Ok, slight exaggeration, but not by a lot. I continue to give her a hard time to this day, just because it was so ridiculous hahah

3. She's always there for me. how great is that? I mean, we say a lot of times that we have each others back but how often do people really mean it? This girl would stand up for me any day ...

4. Naps. She naps a lot... and it's awesome because it's like she has fallen into a deep coma.

5. She's engaged... so no boyfriend drama there. Her relationship with her fiance is one to be admired. They are going to be so happy together and be completely blessed by God.

6. fast food.... she joins in my belief that there isn't any shame in eating fast food. And 32's!

7. girl works at Starbucks. She always brings back wonderful surprises ...chai tea, hot chocolate, strange raspberry lemonade

...now that i have written enough information for someone to stalk her...

She's the bomb diggity

I hope everyone has a roomie this great and if you don't hten you should find one

.do it . now. 5. 4. 3. do it now, now 4. 3. now ....

Mineral Water

this morning i have been reading..

God's word

One.org website: HIV/AIDs, hunger, malaria, sanitation, education...

Living Water website

and about to start The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne


Millenium Development Goals (MDG's):
"The Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) are eight goals to be achieved by 2015 that respond to the world's main development challenges. The MDGs are drawn from the actions and targets contained in the Millennium Declaration that was adopted by 189 nations-and signed by 147 heads of state and governments during the UN Millennium Summit in September 2000. " http://www.undp.org/mdg/

There are 8 goals:




When i read things like this...
i realize how awful i can be.
how i 'just forget'... about poverty?!

there are millions of problems in this world. At the core..we find problems with character.

One thing i can't stand is celebrity worship; or celebrities who think they should be worshipped. Or think they have in any way earned the right to be. It sickens me ...the thought of million dollar homes for one single person. An abundance of food, Multiple bathrooms, bedrooms, pools, televisions, cars, computers, video games, trophies, awards, clothes, shoes, purses, makeup, stylists, cooks, maids, babysitters, marble flooring, sunroofs, crystal vases, jewelry covered in so many diamonds that a person might actually get confused and think they found a giant glittering snow creature.

...it makes me sick.
and even though i don't have all of those things...i still have more than i need. an abundance of 'stuff'

... and in the end, what does that stuff do?

nothing

it shows where we spent our time, money and efforts. It shows our character.



"The United Nations Development Programme estimates the cost of meeting the MDG to be about $10 billion a year.” Again, that is for water and sanitation for half of those lacking. They add that the figure “…represents less than five days’ worth of global military spending and less than half what rich countries spend each year on mineral water.”
http://v2.water.cc/water-crisis/related-news/

...so what's the problem? How in the world could there be any question about our ability to end poverty? "LESS THAN HALF WHAT RICH COUNTRIES SPEND EACH YEAR ON MINERAL WATER"!!!!

...we're a rich country. and mineral water...are you kidding me. While we (Americans) sit here on our butts drinking Fiji water ... millions of people are dying because they have NO water.

I watched the Red Carpet Awards the other night and Miley Cyrus was standing ther drinking this huge bottle of Fiji water.
hope Miley enjoyed it.

Or how about this... There are over 6 billion people in the world. If every person gave a dollar that would be 6 billion dollars. And we know that a large percent of those people could give more than a dollar. I'm sure P Diddy, Sean John Combs, Puff Daddy, whatever the heck his stinking name is has more than a dollar to spare. I'm guessing that his abundance of sunglasses (sidenote: which drive me insane because he always wears them inside...ugh, ego check) aren't from Wal-Mart.

..here's the deal
i don't know how to stop poverty and fight malaria and keep all bad things from ceasing.

this is me venting, raising awareness and sharing part of my passion.

Proverbs 21:13
"If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered."

you've never heard of spice girls?

So, i'm 22 years old.

typing it doesn't make me feel old, neither does saying it. However, this weekend I realized i'm at an age where i have started to use phrases like "old school" and "wow, that's definitely my generation" or the classic "you've never heard of spice girls?"

It's strange, getting older. Having to make decisions. Or at least finally getting to make decisions based on what i want to do.

High school wasn't optional
Neither was College; i mean it is...but not really
Graduating from college is helpful, too

So, this May i will be graduating with a bachelors in Communication Disorders: Speech-Language Pathology.

what now?

Well, so far i have these options:
1. go to grad school...but where?
2. work... but then i will no longer have any financial support from my parents (sounds silly but w/e)
3. go to seminary?..my mom's idea; who knows i havent' really given much thought to that since i was younger.

Over the last couple months i have felt the need to do more. I feel like i haven't been reaching out as much as I could to people in need; in need of food, water, medicine, prayer, spiritual renewal, a friend, accountability, money, encouragement. I want to do all of this.

I hate money...soooo much. Because honestly, when it comes down to it. That is what is keeping me from being able to make decisions about life. If i don't go straight into school...i'm on my own. i have very little savings. I have a part-time job. I have an apartment and bills that need to get paid. And I still have to eat. Ugh. i know this is a common cry.

How about bartering? I'll give you one goat for a semester in school... okay, 2 goats.

And part of me wants to take some time off. i've never enjoyed school. it always seemed like it was less about teaching and more about awful teachers hating their jobs so much that they make you miserable with an overwhleming amount of homework and a ridiculous grading scale; all the while the school is sucking every last penny it can from you..because you dont' pay enough already for these ridiculous classes.

I want to run around the world singing songs about Jesus. I want to be a soldier on the battelfield. Work a little here and there. Barter some if possible.

gosh...

i guess i'll figure it out soon. May is just around the corner. God will guide me. i just have to be patient.

If all else fails i could always move to Vegas and be a Spice Girl impersonator...

"college kids"

The age old question:

What do college kids need to hear?
What do high school kids need to hear?

This question drives me nuts in a way; for multiple reasons:
1. When I was in high school, i wasn't the 'typical kid', so what I needed to hear wasn't what others needed to hear.
2. I have no absolute answer... but i think that's because there is no absolute answer.
3. I tend to feel that college kids vary more than high school kids. There are no longer 'clicks'; but there is more individuality.

So, this post is me brainstorming in the form of type; in an attempt to see if I (or maybe you) can come up with something

As I have been thinking about this question I have had a strange draw to the word 'desire'

Again, this may just be what I'm struggling with.

Maybe college kids need to feel like this God we talk about...that He desires them. God desires me. He wants my heart. He wants me to give my life to Him.

I'm single. The last couple years have been an insane rollercoaster ride as far as my heart goes. It was given away to someone other than God. And even though I kept telling myself that I was still in good grace with God, I was kidding myself.

Well, lately I have just wanted to be desired again.

i guess that I desire to be desired.. doesn't everyone?

I missed having someone hold my hand, or stay up till 1 in the morning on the phone, or having someone bring me icecream when I'm sick.

...but i'm desiring the wrong thing. I'm sitting here wanting to be desired; and God's sitting there saying 'hey, i love you! can't you see that? i'm always going to be here for you and if you trust in me i will bless your life. wake up jen! i'm right here!'

Gosh... i'm so dense sometimes.

I think that's something college kids (if not everyone) needs to hear.

Hmm... that's all i have for now.

If you have thoughts. feel free to share.

I love this:
'Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings, from the wicked who do me violence, my deadly enemies who surround me.'-Pslam 17:8-9

What's my one thing?

Ron's Message: Simplicity (1/4/09); Psalm 27, Matthew 5:8 & Hebrews 12:1-3

This past weekend Ron spoke about simplicity. How having a pure heart is a heart that is given completely to God.

"One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the dayts of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple."-Psalm 27:4

One of my favorite worship songs is 'Better is One Day'
Better is one day in your courts
Better is one day in your house
Better is one day in your courts
Than thousands elsewhere

I forget that. I get caught up in the world. The worlds' desires. One single day in the presence of God is better than anything else we can imagine. It's crazy to even question that. The creator of the universe, made all of the things we fill our life with. He created all the people who interest us. And we are made in His image. So... how could He be anything but 'better'?

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."- Hebrews 12:1-3

How could there be anything but better.

We can't live holding onto all the things that we feel ashamed about. Forgiveness is offered...why wouldn't we accept it? It's such fickle thing. Is it pride? That we want to feel ashamed about our sins, as sort of a punishment to ourselves. We don't need to, that's what Jesus did. He saved us from our sins. Living with that shame is not what we are called to do. That's not the race we are to run. Run to Jesus.

Living in simplicity is what we are called to do. Simplicity is a 'wholehearted love for God.'

Ron spoke about how we have all of these 'priorities'

And we do..

Everything we do is based off of what is most important to us. That's a harsh reality. Do I choose to sleep in an extra 30 minutes or do I get up and start my day reading God's word? Do I spend a couple hours watching a movie with my friends, or spend that couple of hours talking about our souls?

... I'm not saying a movie is a bad thing, or that sleeping in is a bad thing. But if those things trump Jesus... we need to check our hearts.

Are we desiring Christ as much as He desires us?

There were 3 definitions:
simple faith: God said it, I believe it, that settles it.
simple hope: God promised it. so even if it looks like He's not delivering, I'll wait on it.
simple love: God commands it; I obey.

I want to be identified as a devoted follower of Christ. I want that to be my one thing. Not my ability to quote the Office in any situation, or my crazy shoes, or that i am a 'nice girl'.

I want to be someone who strives after God with such aggressiveness that there is never a question of my intentions or motives. That I would give up every single thing I have for the glory of Christ.

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday."- Psalm 37: 5-6

God is good. All the time.

Simplicity.

Go..

About 2 months ago my friend Craig told be about this ministry called Brackenhurst. It's a ministry that works with missionary kids. It runs year round; but during the summer they have camps for all of these kids.

I did some research and talked to Craig about his experiences; i decided to apply.

3 weeks ago I had my interview and was officialy accepted as staff for their summer camp. This is a 10 week program (May23-Aug.1). 5 Weeks of camp, 3 weeks of working in villages, 1 week of training and 1 week of sight-seeing. Brackenhurst is so unique, because it is the only ministry that works with missionary kids. And it gives staff the opportunity to serve in a variety of ways. The camp consists of sports, games, rock climbing, rafting, bible studies, and worship. The coolest part is that these kids are not all Christians. Kenya has a large amount of missionaries but some are Hindu or Buddhist. Their parents know that this is a Christian summer camp, but they send them to Brackenhurst anyway because it is the only safe place for them to be. How cool is that?!

Well, I have started getting ready for camp. The biggest part of preparing for camp is the letter campaign. Basically, I work a minimum wage part-time job and I definitely do not make enough to get to Kenya all on my own. It's a strange feeling. Knowing that I will be asking people to support me financially. It's not something I have done before. I mean, I will be asking for support by whatever means: financially, prayer (always), verbal encouragement, whatever. I have to start writing this letter to send to family, friends, and my large church family.

Prayers... that's what I need now

that i would know the right words to say.

I know God has prepared my list of people for me. But also, that he gives them discernment when they recieve my letter...prayer for that.

As I wrote my list of people; I realized how absolutely fortunate I am to have such a huge family in Christ. What a wonderful blessing.

For me, this summer is an amazing opportunity to serve. I will get to be the hands of feet of Christ. This will be a chance to find out who Jen really is. For 22 years, I have lived in Cape (basically), gone to class, worked, participated at church, served...but over the last 6 months I have felt like I'm living in this little bubble. I think that's because my identity in Christ has blossomed.

I've always lived trying to please, and be the good person, and do the 'right thing'. And not that those are bad things, but they start to form a thick layer over you... and it becomes inauthentic, a mask, if you will. Not that my beliefs weren't real. But that I was saying a lot and was really good at looking like i was a-ok....but i wasn't. Praise God for this past year. It was hell ...straight up. But because of that, I am new in Him.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."- Galatians 1:10

This summer will be amazing. Without a doubt.

Pray for:
courage; 3 months is a long time
wisdom
people receiving letters, that they may have accepting hearts
kids who will be at camp
families in the villages
the rest of the staff; Kim and Amanda (camp leaders)

I know that prayer was started long ago, and I am so grateful for that

"Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord, mighty in battle! Lift up your heads, O gates! And lift them up, O ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. who is this King of glory? The Lord of Hosts, he is the King of glory!" -Psalm 24:7-10